I'll take tooth troubles for $600, Alex...

Picture taken first thing in the morning yesterday with glasses and no makeup to intensify the dramatic effect. Fortunately for me and, unfortunately for aforementioned dramatic effect, the swelling has gone down today so there are no "cleaned up ready to face the world" photos. Today it looks more like I have a wad of chewing tobacco shoved into my mouth. Hey, I went to a public high school. I know what it looks like.

• A root canal done through your gums, rather than through your tooth. Involves cutting and stitching of the gums, follow-up appointment to have stitches removed, chewing on one side of the mouth, icepacks, pain meds, and begging your children to listen the first time so you don't have to repeat yourself. What is an apicoectomy?


• Red and itchy bumps which necessitate the taking of Benadryl which necessitates the taking of a 2+ hour nap which necessitates sitting around on the couch for hours after saying, 'huh?' [perhaps I was already a little tired and thus the effects were exaggerated] What are hives, likely caused by a delayed allergic reaction to the antibiotic I had to take before the apicoectomy?


• Five hours. What is the approximate time my "take every 8 hours" pain meds work.


• Egg noodles w/butter and cheese. What is a soft food that I can consume with minimal pain?


• A chipmunk or, in my hubby's words, a bulldog. What does my jaw resemble?


• Betrayed. [insert laughter, unless your mouth hurts and then just lamely half smile] How does one feel after being asked to schedule her follow-up appointment and pay her bill before her procedure because, "you'll have an icepack and won't want to mess with it," when in reality she will be smuggled out a side door with her icepack so as not to scare all the happy people in the waiting room?


• Sneezing, tilting my head back to rinse the shampoo out of my hair, bending down to pick things up off of the floor. What are painful experiences?


• Ten. What is the number of times I anticipate having to mention that I had some dental work done this week while hanging with my hubby at a work function tomorrow evening? [Don't want anyone to think their banker is hurting his wife! I've debated sitting this one out, but I really want to go. Selfish, I know.]