Before and After

Warning: this post should come with a bit of a 'downer disclaimer.' Sorry, but in the interest of documenting family happenings, this is what's happening in my family...


Notice the difference in the little boy in these two pictures? Me neither! And I have spent the last few days coming to terms with that reality. Just to back up a bit: I guess I missed the memo that peanut butter is to be avoided until the age of 2. So, since Luke had shared peanut butter cups with Daddy and loves to eat pieces of cashews, I got wild one day last week and gave him peanut butter with his jelly on his sandwich. Before I got him cleaned up he had hives. NOT good. So, I called the doctor’s office (and checked him roughly 20 times while he napped with his door open). Short story, he and I trekked to the hospital for a quick blood draw – this kid is a TROOPER! – not even a tear when they poked him. Headed to the pharmacy for an epi-pen and sat by the phone waiting for a phone call. That call came Tuesday and I was terribly disappointed to learn that Luke has a peanut allergy. It’s a moderate allergy. Smack in the middle of moderate really. Not that that's comforting since an allergy is an allergy and any reaction is unpredictable.

But [you're all my friends right?] this has been an incredibly difficult week for me. Honestly, I feel guilty that I let it really get me down – I know better. I know God gave Luke this allergy and I know that it’s my responsibility to make the most out of this situation, trusting Him to help me keep Luke safe. And I am SO grateful that it’s “just” a peanut allergy. People experience SO many more traumatic situations with their children.

But, that doesn’t change the fact that my baby has a problem that we will be dealing with for forever. So, Tuesday especially, I spent most of my day trying not to cry, crying, or yelling at David for not understanding why I was crying. And still today, I am struggling with turning it over to Him the way I know that I need to!


That said, I love a project, so figuring all of this out has become my project. Taking care of my boys, keeping them safe, loving on them - I chose this as my job. So, I have requested books from the library, been on the internet, visited our pediatrician with a list of questions this morning, contacted a friend whose child has the same issue, etc. Knowledge is power, right? And I think that is what is eating away at me - my lack of power. I think the problem for me at this moment is that it just seems like the list of things we can't do anymore is overtaking the list of things we can do. I need to get a good list going of places we can eat out and foods we can buy to eat, etc. But until then I'm feeling a little crushed by the whole situation.


It's just SO all-encompassing. Seth lives on PB&J. So, I have to be sure Luke doesn't steal any off Seth's plate and that Luke doesn't drink out of Seth's cup if Seth got peanut butter on it and that I don't wash Luke's face with the same washcloth I used to wash peanut butter off of Seth's face. And on and on and on...


And places like bakeries and ice cream shops are off limits due to the cross contamination. Okay, that one is likely bothering me a lot more than Luke!
Who am I kidding? This kid's not bothered by any of it at the moment. But, since he clearly enjoys food it is now my job to find him healthy and safe alternatives. Oh yeah, and of, course, the picture at the top of Luke in the dark shirt is before Tuesday and the picture in the light shirt is after Tuesday.

[And now, back to the regularly scheduled more upbeat program...]